Twenty ways you can tell this campaign has finally pushed you over the edge

Twenty ways you can tell this campaign has finally pushed you over the edge

It’s been a long campaign season, and you’ve been poked and prodded by television ads, pollsters and even the occasional national press corps member. John Kerry drank a beer at your neighborhood bar and George W. Bush read a book at your local kindergarten. Dick Cheney was spotted more in Wisconsin in 2004 than he was seen everywhere else combined in the last four years. John Edwards has been in the state so often he’s beginning to lose his Carolina accent.
Now, you’re about to go into Campaign Year Withdrawal. Here are 20 signs that you should consider checking yourself into the Bill Clinton Clinic for Life After Politics:
1. You’ve watched so many campaign speeches on television that you now greet your co-workers each morning with, “My fellow Americans, it’s great to be here today.”
2. You entertain your kids by showing them trade deficit pie charts and bar graphs.
3. Dirty campaign ads no longer bother you. In fact, you like it when one candidate accuses the other guy of wearing a hairpiece made in China.
4. You lord it over your out-of-state friends and family because you live in a “battleground state.”
5. You fully expect to get a combat medal from the winning candidate for president because you live in a “battleground state.”
6. You stay up late at night to watch re-runs of the vice presidential debate.
7. You visit www.jibjab.com so often that you actually watch the ads on the splash page.
8. You seriously considering Martin Sheen as your write-in candidate.
9. You can’t get enough of Fox TV’s Bill O’Reilly.
10. You begin to think of Jesse Ventura as an elder statesman of American politics.
11. You get caught calling the pollsters on a 900 line.
12. You actually believe Ralph Nader will be a factor.
13. You miss Howard Dean. And Joe Lieberman.
14. You’re still confused about which candidate for the U.S. Senate was the “Right Russ,” Feingold or Darrow.
15. You plan to vote in Milwaukee because you want the free cigarettes.
16. You hope the state of Florida screws up again so this whole thing can drag into December.
17. You’re stealing other people’s yard signs because you’re envious of the color schemes.
18. You think the result of the Green Bay Packers’ game against the Washington Redskins should have been withheld from the public until the polls closed in California.
19. You have just now reached the conclusion that George W. Bush and John Kerry don’t really like one another.
20. You worry about what will happen to both of those guys once they’re no longer eating real Wisconsin cheese every other day.
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Still is president of the Wisconsin Technology Council. He is the former associate editor of the Wisconsin State Journal in Madison.
The opinions expressed herein or statements made in the above column are solely those of the author, & do not necessarily reflect the views of Wisconsin Technology Network, LLC. (WTN). WTN, LLC accepts no legal liability or responsibility for any claims made or opinions expressed herein.